


What Am I Doin' Hangin' Round?

by KB9VCN



Category: El Hazard: The Magnificent World
Genre: Gen, Humor, One Shot, Paralysis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-10-31
Updated: 2004-10-31
Packaged: 2018-09-06 16:19:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8760241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: Written October 2004; humor; about 2100 words.
Poor Ifurita.  She suffers, and suffers, and suffers some more.
This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
This contains cruel mild adult humor.  Reader discretion is advised.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written October 2004; humor; about 2100 words.
> 
> Poor Ifurita. She suffers, and suffers, and suffers some more.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains cruel mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Ifurita stood, and handed her key-staff to Makoto. "It is time, Makoto," she said. "I am almost out of energy."

"Alright." Makoto hesitantly took the key-staff in both hands. "I have to admit, I feel a bit strange, doing this. I mean, I've only recharged you once before, just after I rescued you from the school grounds and brought you back to El-Hazard."

Ifurita smiled sweetly. "It is alright, Makoto. I am free now, but I am still a demon god, and I must still be recharged.

"I will be helpless during charging. Temporary paralysis is part of the recharging process. But I will be free again, as soon as you remove the key-staff from its socket. Of course, with your ability, you will know all this."

Makoto had walked behind Ifurita. He raised her key-staff and positioned it over the small of her back. "Yes, of course... OK, here we go."

He set the key-staff home. Ifurita gasped. She involuntarily snapped to attention, like a soldier at drill inspection.

Makoto turned the key-staff, and counted the turns to himself. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. And one for luck.

He pulled the key-staff away. Ifurita remained motionless.

Makoto walked back in front of Ifurita. Her eyes followed him, but she did not move. She found that she still could not move.

Makoto held a hand to Ifurita's cheek. "Ifurita? Are you OK? Ifurita!? IFURITA!?"

—

[Oh, Ifurita. I'm so sorry.]

(Do not apologize, Makoto. This is not your fault. It was only a small problem with my charging mechanism. And if you had not repaired me with your ability, I would remain paralyzed forever.)

Ifurita stiffly sat in a wheeled chair, her hands arranged in her lap and her head held high. Makoto kneeled at her side. He had rested one hand on her hands, to communicate directly with her, using his ability.

[Are you absolutely sure that you don't want me to stay with you? I feel awful, leaving you like this.]

(No, Makoto. Go. I shall be fine. I spent ten thousand years lost and alone in a cold dark dimensional void. One day in the fair city of Floristica is nothing, compared to that... And I should be fully recovered by evening.)

[Alright. Let me move you, so that you're not just staring at the walls...] Makoto wheeled her chair across his private room, and turned it so that Ifurita could look out through his window, across the royal gardens.

He touched her hands again. [I'll be in Schtalubaugh's lab.]

And then, Makoto nervously leaned towards her and kissed her on her cheek.

Ifurita followed him with her eyes, with sweet love in her eyes, as he left the room. _Dearest Makoto,_ she thought.

The mind of a demon god is a peculiar thing, and Ifurita allowed herself to become lost in her thoughts. Several minutes passed as she played back some of the wonderful memories that she had already made since her return to El-Hazard, with her many new friends and her dearest Makoto.

In a strange way, she was a bit startled to hear a hesitant knock at Makoto's door, and the sound of a now-familiar voice. "Um... Lady Ifurita? I am sorry to disturb you..."

A moment later, the Princess Rune Venus stepped into her field of view. Ifurita rolled her eyes up to the princess.

Rune smiled. "Do not worry about rising for me. Makoto alerted the palace guard to your condition, and the news has already come back to me. But... um... I have a favor to ask."

Ifurita blinked. It was the only thing she could do.

"I have an important meeting with some Alliance representatives, this morning," Rune said. "But two members of the royal house are required for the meeting, by ancient rules of order. And I can't find Fatora anywhere. Bless her, but the girl has learned how to make herself scarce...

"And Londs is away from the palace, and Schtalubaugh and Makoto are both busy in the lab today. And so, I was wondering if you would mind sitting in for me. You are not required to speak at all. I only need a second body...

"Oh, I'm sorry. Um, one for no, two for yes."

After a moment, Ifurita blinked twice.

"Thank you, Ifurita. I shall remember this favor." Rune pulled Ifurita's chair around, and wheeled Ifurita out of Makoto's room.

—

A few hours later, Ifurita sat at Makoto's window again. She had been returned by the palace guard after Rune's meeting. The sun had almost risen to its highest point, and its rays were just starting to fall through the open window.

_I do not think that I have ever been so... BORED in my entire existence,_ Ifurita thought.

_I suppose that diplomacy is a wonderful thing, if it allows human kingdoms to negotiate their problems without warfare. But even I, an immortal demon god with no need of sleep, and paralyzed as I am, was unable to follow ANY of that incomprehensible legal wrangling for longer than five seconds at a time._

_How does Rune do it, day after day?_ Ifurita pondered. _Perhaps she is secretly an inhuman machine, with inhuman abilities, the same as me._

_But it is over now. And it is a beautiful day. I shall be able to relax and enjoy the rest of the day undisturbed._

But then, Nanami came into Makoto's room. "Ifurita? Are you busy— oh, of course not. Hee hee. Anyway, I had an idea..."

_Uh oh,_ Ifurita thought.

"It's almost lunch-time," Nanami explained, "and I was trying to think of a daily special for the Shinonome Diner. And then, I heard about what happened to you, and I thought, well, if you're just sitting around and doing nothing, anyway?..."

Nanami held up a hand-lettered sign. "The Demon-God Dinner Special! All you'll have to do is to sit in your chair, just outside the front door of the diner, and hold this sign in your lap for me. If you stay perfectly still, like you're doing now, no one will even know that it's you. They'll just think you're a mannequin, or something."

Ifurita rolled her eyes up to Nanami. She had recovered enough muscle control to raise an eyebrow, as well.

Nanami sighed. "Oh, fine. I'll throw in a romantic candle-light dinner for you and Makoto, personally served by me. What do you say, Ifurita? Yes or no, I've gotta get back to the diner soon."

Ifurita hesitated for a longer time than before. But then, she blinked twice again.

"Oh, great! Wonderful!... Um, Ifurita? Do you think that you could smile for me? You won't bring in many customers with that solemn face."

Ifurita blinked once. She didn't have control of her mouth yet.

Nanami set her sign in Ifurita's lap. And then she leaned over Ifurita, and reached for Ifurita's face with both hands. "Well, I can take care of that. Um, pardon my hands..."

Ifurita sweat-dropped.

—

Once again, Ifurita had been returned to Makoto's room's window. Nanami's hired help had brought her back after the lunch-hour rush at the Shinonome Diner. The sun was just starting to fall in the sky, and its rays had reached Ifurita's knees and lap.

She was much more disheveled than before. Her hair was ruffled, her long black cloak was dusty, and her empty hands were still positioned to hold Nanami's sign in her lap, although the sign had been discarded.

And the wide cheerful smile that Nanami had "arranged" was still frozen on her face. It was deeply incongruous, considering the feelings of annoyance and embarrassment that Ifurita felt.

_I believe that I have never been so humiliated in my entire existence,_ Ifurita thought.

_I thought it was to my advantage to possess great female beauty. But when I sat there with this wide cheerful smile and all those people just stared at me? It gave me cold chills. I would have shuddered, if I was able to move._

_And then, there were many who were not content merely to look. The children, I can understand. And I did not truly mind them. They were only playing. And it did not hurt me when they stood on my feet, or jumped in my lap, or pulled on my hair..._

_But those grown men should know better,_ Ifurita thought.

_Honestly. They ran their hands through my hair, and touched my face... and when no one was looking, they pinched me in places that my beloved Makoto has yet to pinch. Are they so sad and lonely that they would do such things to a mannequin?_

_And then, there were even a few grown WOMEN who... well, not that there is anything WRONG with that, but..._

Ifurita had recovered enough breath control to sigh. _But that is over now, too,_ she thought. _Surely, nothing ELSE will happen._

As if on cue, a large sponge-rubber ball sailed through the open window, and whacked Ifurita in her still-smiling face. Then it bounced straight down and wedged between her open hands.

Fatora came up to the window from outside, lightly dressed in exercise clothing. "Sorry 'bout that, Ifurita... Nice catch! Could you toss the ball back to me, please?"

Ifurita stared back at her, unblinking, with Nanami's wide smile.

Fatora raised an eyebrow. "Uh, Ifurita? Yer kinda creepin' me out, here..."

A head of purple hair came up, and bobbed in place beside Fatora. The window was too high for Ifurita to be able to see Alielle's face. "Lady Ifurita isn't well, Fatora. Remember? She can't move until sometime this evening."

Fatora gasped. "You mean, that awful Makoto left this beautiful creature alone, by herself, with no one else around? I mean, the doors will be guarded, but any crazy weirdo freak could come up to this open window!"

"Yes, Fatora," said Alielle, with loving patience.

"How awful!" Fatora turned back to Ifurita. "Well, don't worry, Ifurita. Me an' Alielle are both here for you now."

_Oh no,_ Ifurita thought. _Please. No._

Fatora boosted Alielle through the window, and then struggled up and climbed through it herself. In the meantime, Alielle took a closer look at Ifurita.

"Oh!" she said. "Miss Ifurita, aren't your arms tired?" Without waiting for an answer, she gingerly pushed Ifurita's hands back down into her lap.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Fatora reached out, and pulled Ifurita's arms back up. They remained exactly where Fatora left them.

Fatora giggled. "Oh, we could have some fun with THIS."

Ifurita twitched, ever so slightly.

Fatora giggled again. "Oh, we wouldn't try anything untoward, Ifurita. But you're just like a mannequin! We simply HAVE to take you back to my room, and play dress-up with you!"

Alielle climbed into Ifurita's lap, pulled Ifurita's hands back down, and folded them together in front of her, like a seat belt. "An' after that, we can braid your hair, and maybe even give you a make-over! Oh, it'll be so much FUN!!"

As Fatora pushed Ifurita (and Alielle) away, Ifurita made a sound with her throat, for the first time since she had been recharged. Unfortunately, it was little more than a sad wordless whimper.

—

Makoto returned to his room, after a long day in Schtalubaugh's lab. He found his beloved Ifurita sitting at the window, exactly where he had left her, in the long shadows of the setting sun.

He cleared his throat as he walked across the room. "Ifurita? I'm back... Are you feeling better yet?"

Slowly, so slowly, Ifurita turned to him. The sun had almost set, but Makoto could still see the sweet, sweet tears pouring down her face.

Her bottom lip trembled as she called his name, so weakly. "Ma... Mako... to..."

Makoto gasped, and ran to her chair, and kneeled beside her, and embraced her. He held her head against his shoulder, and stroked her hair, even as he used his ability to "speak" with her again.

[IFURITA!! What happened!?]

(Oh, Makoto. It was terrible. Terrible... I thought that I had atoned for my sins in the ancient Holy Wars, after these many thousands of years. But I have suffered for all that time, and I now fear that I shall continue to suffer, forever and ever...)

[Oh, Ifurita! Is there anything that I can do?]

(Yes. If anything like this ever happens again... please, send me back to the dimensional void. I have experienced pain, and I have experienced nothingness... And I think that nothingness is not so bad.)


End file.
